when you can't fix it

I named this blog Smiles and Sunshine for a few reasons. One, I use to sign all my newsletters home to my parents that way~it seemed a good way of bringing cheer and warmth into their lives. I also like the alliteration of it. Last, I'm a pretty optimistic person, as well as taking things as they come.

This will not be a smiles and sunshine type of post. This is not a fun lesson idea or about me post.

This is the hardest post that I've had to write.

 I found out over vacation that one of my kids has leukemia. 

Now, I'm single, with no kids or pets. So I put a lot of myself (and I'm not saying that y'all don't) into my class.

I call them my kids for a reason.

For a short time, I am blessed to have however many (17 this year), of the most wonderful, caring, amusing, and sometimes frustrating students. They become mine for the year.

I worry (a lot), I laugh (a lot), I have fun, I cheer and we celebrate things together. As a family.

So for one of the family to be sick-it hurts.

I can't even imagine what the parents are going through.

Even while writing this, I'm getting choked up and teary. And it's not the first time.

I can't fix this with a hug. I can't make this better. I don't know if this can be fixed.

Today, I had to walk into school and be smiles and sunshine for my class. It was very hard.

The kids found out yesterday-while I was at a workshop. That was hard for me, knowing that they were getting this information while I wasn't there. Fortunately, we have a pretty awesome nurse and guidance counselor.

We didn't do Math today. Instead, we talked about it. And I set up 3 stations around the room. One was a quilt square station with fabric markers. We'll be turning that into a pillow.

Another was a watercolor paint station-that's going to be a story inspiration book. Last, we all made cards.

I'm personally working on a small afghan-rainbow style, because rainbows are seriously needed here. Another cowoker is working on hats.

I called the mom today, and was able to talk to her and set up a tentative visit-I'll check back in a couple days. I was also able to talk to my student. That was really hard-the person I talked to was not the student I know.

As a teacher, I know a lot of things. And if I don't know something, I can get the answer. I don't have an answer for this.

As teachers, we're expected to have all the answers and be able to solve all types of problems. I don't.

I've been sitting with this for almost a week. And I'm still struggling. 

~Kaitlyn