Tuesday, March 3, 2015

when you can't fix it

I named this blog Smiles and Sunshine for a few reasons. One, I use to sign all my newsletters home to my parents that way~it seemed a good way of bringing cheer and warmth into their lives. I also like the alliteration of it. Last, I'm a pretty optimistic person, as well as taking things as they come.

This will not be a smiles and sunshine type of post. This is not a fun lesson idea or about me post.

This is the hardest post that I've had to write.

 I found out over vacation that one of my kids has leukemia. 

Now, I'm single, with no kids or pets. So I put a lot of myself (and I'm not saying that y'all don't) into my class.

I call them my kids for a reason.

For a short time, I am blessed to have however many (17 this year), of the most wonderful, caring, amusing, and sometimes frustrating students. They become mine for the year.

I worry (a lot), I laugh (a lot), I have fun, I cheer and we celebrate things together. As a family.

So for one of the family to be sick-it hurts.

I can't even imagine what the parents are going through.

Even while writing this, I'm getting choked up and teary. And it's not the first time.

I can't fix this with a hug. I can't make this better. I don't know if this can be fixed.

Today, I had to walk into school and be smiles and sunshine for my class. It was very hard.

The kids found out yesterday-while I was at a workshop. That was hard for me, knowing that they were getting this information while I wasn't there. Fortunately, we have a pretty awesome nurse and guidance counselor.

We didn't do Math today. Instead, we talked about it. And I set up 3 stations around the room. One was a quilt square station with fabric markers. We'll be turning that into a pillow.

Another was a watercolor paint station-that's going to be a story inspiration book. Last, we all made cards.

I'm personally working on a small afghan-rainbow style, because rainbows are seriously needed here. Another cowoker is working on hats.

I called the mom today, and was able to talk to her and set up a tentative visit-I'll check back in a couple days. I was also able to talk to my student. That was really hard-the person I talked to was not the student I know.

As a teacher, I know a lot of things. And if I don't know something, I can get the answer. I don't have an answer for this.

As teachers, we're expected to have all the answers and be able to solve all types of problems. I don't.

I've been sitting with this for almost a week. And I'm still struggling. 



  1. So sorry to hear about this. Sending some smiles and sunshine to you, your class and this family. I can only imagine how hard this is for everyone involved. I know this will make me hug my own kids and my school kids a little tighter and thank my lucky stars they are healthy!

  2. I can honestly say that I know exactly how you feel. My first year of teaching one of my babies was diagnosed with stage four cancer. The hardest thing I've ever done is talk to my class about what was going on. We made a book about all the things we loved about her and gave it to her. What you are going through is so incredibly difficult, but know that the way you are helping your students and the things you are doing to make that child feel loved is absolutely amazing. You and your kids will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. Sending you and your school family love.


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